When you’re in love and committed to the person of your dreams, your boundaries often get blurry. This can cause one person to become an emotional punching bag, taking all the beating and leaving them drained and exhausted. A lack of personal space can be very mentally taxing, so here are ten strategies for navigating emotional boundaries in your marriage.
1. Push for Therapy
Seeing your soulmate suffer is no easy feat, but you have to realize that you aren’t equipped with the tools to provide them with the help they need. This is why gently nudging them to seek help from a licensed therapist might be the solution. You can only offer so much comfort without destroying your mental sanity in the process.
2. Open Communication
The best way to deal with any problem head-on is to be open to communicating with your partner. If you feel like they’re overstepping your boundaries, you should just be honest about it and set some ground rules for the both of you to live a good life together. Being around someone all the time makes them an easy target for your frustrations, but that doesn’t mean you should be doing that.
3. Learn to Say No
One big obstacle in any marriage or relationship is not being a “yes man” to everything the other person says. Both you and your partner should be comfortable turning down things that you know will have a negative impact on your mental health. But that’s not to say that you should start avoiding serious conversations; it just means you take time when it gets overwhelming.
4. Having Your Own Social Circle
While merging your life together means your friends and family will obviously hang out a lot, it doesn’t mean you should only meet people as a couple. What makes a marriage healthy is being your own person and not solely relying on the other for all your emotional needs. Sometimes, all you need is a friend to help you along the way.
5. Stop Reacting
If you’re getting into a lot of fights and it’s making you feel completely burnt out, it’s time to evaluate how you go about things in the relationship. Instead of immediately reacting to whatever the other person says or does, sit with it, ponder it, and then respond once you’re done evaluating the situation.
6. Ask for Feedback
Romantic relationships are complicated, but they get even more complex to navigate if you’re not giving each other feedback regarding how you responded or felt in a heated moment. Once the argument has passed, maybe you should ask each other what can be improved moving forward so your emotional needs are not left unfulfilled.
7. Be Clear About Your Time Commitment
When you have a 9–5 job, are studying for a major exam, or need to complete some chores, you can’t and shouldn’t drop it all for your partner. Being clear about the work you need to do at a specific time is significant because if their emotional needs overshadow your work, it becomes a problem. Of course, a one-off emergency doesn’t count.
8. Don’t Be Their Everything
Marriage isn’t a fairytale where you’re always living and breathing each other’s presence 24 hours a day. If you’re dependent on each other to the point that one can’t function without you being there, then you’re in a toxic environment that needs to be fixed. You can love someone with all your heart and still have a life of your own.
9. Change How You View Marriage
Cultural norms and societal standards dictate how we see a marriage and all that it entails. If you keep dismissing your own needs based on what you think should be done when you’re committed, then you’re just making the problem even more significant. Sure, you promised to be there in sickness and in health, but that doesn’t mean there should be unrealistic expectations.
10. Realize That You Don’t Need to Share Everything
Just because you’re married does not mean that you need to share every little detail with them. Selectively choosing what to say and what not to say doesn’t make either of you bad people. It makes you healthy and aware of your boundaries. Some things are better kept to yourself.