If you’ve ever spoken to someone and didn’t feel heard, you know what a lack of empathy feels like. It can be frustrating and even hurtful. But people don’t often hurt others because they enjoy it, it’s because they lack emotional intelligence.
Although you can’t change others, you can improve your emotional intelligence. There are many signs of someone’s lack of empathy. Understanding them can help you navigate relationships more effectively and protect your emotional well-being.
What Is Empathy?
Let’s quickly flesh out what empathy is and its different types. Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. It manifests in you as seeing from someone else’s perspective, feeling someone else’s emotions, or recognizing someone’s emotional state, maybe all three versions at once. The signs below indicate that someone does not have these abilities.
1. Unresponsive to Emotions
Being unresponsive to others’ emotions is selfish and a lack of empathy. It’s challenging for someone to be vulnerable and share their personal circumstance. However, if someone dismisses your situation, it’s a clear red flag they lack empathy.
2. Misses Emotional Cues
Someone can tell you they’re “okay,” but this isn’t always true. If you notice someone with teary eyes or in a bad mood, no matter what they tell you, it will be hard to believe they’re feeling okay. However, some people are oblivious to these types of subtle cues, proving they lack empathy.
3. Interrupts Others
Most people will interrupt others or be interrupted at some point. However, if you’re interacting with someone constantly interrupting others, it’s a clear sign they lack empathy. Most people will avoid conversations like these because it’s challenging to speak and feels one-sided. Empathy lets you know when you’re interrupting others and to apologize when you do.
4. Disinterest in Problems
Life is hard, but it’s better when you feel heard. If someone makes you uncomfortable when you share your problems or shows little interest, they probably lack empathy. You eventually avoid telling this person your problems and maybe even lose interest in hearing theirs.
5. Quick to Criticize
No one is perfect. Yet, some people are critical of other people’s mistakes as if they’re perfect. Knowing that all humans are prone to errors for as long as they live is a reason not to criticize others. Anyone who’s overly critical of others lacks empathy. The truth is you never truly know what someone else is going through.
6. Blames Others
People who lack empathy are quick to blame others for their problems. But have you ever heard the saying that when you point one finger, a few are pointing back at you? It’s not easy accepting responsibility for your actions. Some things are more in your control than others, but you’ll live a happier life by removing blame from others.
7. Emotionally Impatient
This one is tricky. The sad part about not having empathy is that you’re most likely not in tune with your emotions. During the tough moments in life, you need to be compassionate and patient with yourself. But the instinct after something like a breakup is to try and make yourself feel good immediately. Empathetic people know that healing from emotional damage takes time and varies for everyone.
8. Ignores Other Perspectives
People who lack empathy ignore other people’s points of view. After all, their own point of view is the most important, right? If you encounter people who refuse to consider alternative points of view, it’s a sign they lack emotional intelligence. Ironically, allowing yourself to experience different perspectives is often the best way to solve tough challenges.
9. Withholds Support
Imagine asking someone for help in a time of need and getting rejected. Assuming you had valid reasons and were available for this person in a time of need, this shows a lack of empathy. How else could you turn down a friend who desperately needs your help?
10. Makes Self-Centered Decisions
Generally, most people consider others when making their plans. Think about it: when planning group trips or important life decisions involving others, it’s common courtesy to include them. However, people who lack empathy make decisions that revolve around them. For example, self-centered people won’t feel bad choosing a convenient trip date for them but not for the rest of the group.
11. Rarely Thanks Others
Not thanking others proves you don’t acknowledge someone for their effort and might even unintentionally dismiss their feelings. Pay attention to people who rarely show gratitude and consider leading by example.
12. Struggles in Relationships
If empathy involves understanding other people’s emotions, it’s clear why good relationships will be hard to come by for those who lack empathy. Being a great listener and showing support are great ways to build a strong social circle. Look for people who can maintain great relationships and pay attention.
13. Uses Others
Most know the saying to treat others how they want to be treated. However, not everyone lives by this rule. The reality is some people will be fine with using others to get what they want. For example, some people use others purely for the career growth or monetary value they can access through them.
14. Shows No Regret
Regret is what you feel after a disappointing circumstance, be it a choice you made or something you said. It doesn’t feel good, but it can also help you learn from your mistakes. That is, if you’re willing to pay attention to how those around you feel.
15. Shuns Emotional Depth
Deep conversations are often packed with emotion. Even if you have empathy, it doesn’t make having these conversations much easier. That is why many choose not to engage in them. Most of your close circle will be receptive to having deep conversations with you, but not everyone. Pay attention to those who are quick to change the topic during deep discussions, it’s a sign they lack empathy.